chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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