Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
