I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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