I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
