There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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