I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
