Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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