Just mADE A PArabola og urine
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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