It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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