Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
