About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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