I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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