So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
