Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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