Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
