Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
