You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
