This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
