you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
