You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
