The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
