So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
