I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
