you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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