A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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