I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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