At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
