I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
