she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
