I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
