I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
