I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
