kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
