i think i have herpe
just one?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
