fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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