i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
