I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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