In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
