Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
