I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
