So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
