You can't motorboat a personality
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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