You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
