she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
