He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That accounts for only three of the penises
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
