you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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