Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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