he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
