Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
