How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
