so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
